My watch buzzed at midnight for some reason. It doesn't usually do this. I certainly wasn't meeting any fitness milestones while lying in bed. It drew my attention to the time and the date, however, and I was reminded of a superstition I learned about in high school. Supposedly you'll have good luck if the first word out of your mouth on the first of the month is "rabbits." As with most things, I became obsessive and completionist-y about this for months, maybe even years, after I was made aware of its existence. The obsession died down after a while but I still think about it (and sometimes do it) on New Year's Day. If saying rabbits on the first of the month is good luck, saying it on the first day of the year has to be excellent luck, right? Sure.
Anyway, back to this morning. Watch buzzes like I've just hit 10,000 steps and I look down and realize that it's 12am on March 1st. I instinctively whisper, "rabbits." I fall asleep—impressive for me. Sleep by midnight is almost unheard of these days. I wake up at 7:30 feeling almost, I daresay, refreshed.
It's gonna be a good fuckin' month, my dudes.
Let's take stock.
I still feel behind. The gap between what I've promised and what I've delivered is still too large. However, I have not missed any external deadlines. Let me say that again; louder for the reasonable people in the back who are understandably confused. I still feel behind and overwhelmed but I have not missed any external deadlines. The blessing and the curse of being supported (mostly) by friends and family in the early stages of this business is that there are a lot of "whenever you get it to me is fine" kinds of deadlines. So that means nothing is ever late. But I'm not going to make any more money if I don't finish the projects I'm already working on. So most of my "behind"-ness is based on internal markers. Of course. Obsessive. Completionist.
Honestly, I'm fucking tired of myself at this point. If I continue to create unrealistic milestones, I will continue to miss them. If I continue to place too much self worth on the execution of said unrealistic milestones, I will continue to think of myself as a trash person when I fail to meet them.
I. Am. Forever. And. Always. My. Own. Biggest. Problem.
As such, I've adjusted my goal setting strategy for March.
Main Goal: Make it out in one piece.
Secondary Goal: Continue to close the gap.
Forget literally everything else. It's all optional. I'm tired of my own bullshit. It's time for a new strategy.