I think it's time to let go of some of the obsession surrounding productivity and mental health. I'm making the process so difficult by placing so much emphasis on it. To be aware is one thing—to be obsessed is another.
So I'm going to introduce a shift in focus. I'm choosing to set aside this productivity obsession. I will spend less time journaling about it, less time thinking about it, less time discussing it with therapists, and less time whining about it to friends. Words have power and I will stop giving so many of my words to this story.
Instead, I'd like to focus on a project. I've been interested in designing and illustrating a tarot deck for a while. There are so many projects I can work on so it's been hard for me to choose just one, but the tarot project feels right for a lot of reasons:
- I'm interested in the subject
- There are lots of possibilities for ways I can use this art beyond just printing a deck of cards
- It's a good blend of illustration and design
- It's witchy
- It's self-reflective
- It will be long and difficult to complete—which will teach me patience and perseverance
- There are enough micro-milestones within this project to foster a continued sense of accomplishment
- I chose it myself and didn't consult anyone else about it
It's become important for me to trust my own preferences. It occurred to me recently that I have spent far too much time and energy seeking external validation for all of my decisions. It's tiring. So I'm going to let go of that, too. I'm going to make my own decisions and I'm going to commit to them long enough to see the true outcome.
This is going to be surprisingly difficult—but it's worth a try.