Monday Series: A Story About Commitment


Happy February First! Time continues to be meaningless.

I did my monthly retrospective last night and (re)learned that zooming out helps with perceived productivity. Consistency over the course of a month is meaningful. The ebb and flow of inertia-based productivity balances out over time. Practicing the ability to prioritize my priorities will only improve this perception. We'll work on that this month. I always know what the priorities are. The hard part is forcing myself to work on them early and often.

I should also work on committing. I change my mind about priorities fairly often; too often probably. In some ways this is a strength because I am more willing than most to drop comfortable things that no longer serve me; but I often drop stuff before it has the chance to prove its worth. This is an important distinction to learn how to make. I made a plan for my business at the beginning of the year and I'd like to stick it out. It's open ended enough to avoid being prohibitive but it's structured enough to create real change if implemented successfully. 

Ugh. I have so much to do. It makes me tired.

In related news, it occurs to me that I have weekly to do lists in far too many locations and they're all a bit different so I'm going to leave that section off this week. Excessive planning is just another way for me to spend too much time thinking about future work and not enough time doing present work. There is that future vs. present thing again. Past and future aren't real. Present is the only reality. It makes me sad when I think about how much time I spend worrying about the past or the future instead of focusing on something in the present. Sad and, frankly, a little terrifying. How much of my reality is spent in the fiction of my own thoughts? So scary.

I feel somewhat hopeful today. I'm going to leave last week's anxiety in the past and try to move forward slowly and consistently. I have a long term plan. I'm still reasonably on track. Keep course correcting. Keep moving. One step at a time.

 


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